Jake Farrugia

My wife, Mikki, and I were expecting our first child. We fell pregnant in June 2019 and named the baby Squirtle until we knew what gender it would be. All of the initial scans showed Squirtle was doing great. 

In September, I had to go away with work for 4 months with the Royal Australian Navy. I went away, leaving Mikki alone in Sydney with no family nearby as they all live in Adelaide. However, come late October at Squirtle's 19 week scan we received some horrible news. There were multiple medical issues that severely reduced his chance of survival. We also found out we were expecting a boy. He had an enlarged heart (2/3s the size of his chest) which was unable to pump blood to his growing lungs due to issues with the valves, he was missing a kidney, his bladder wasn't working efficiently and was in next to no amniotic fluid (meaning he'd be born with no movement of his limbs), there was such little fluid there wasn't even enough for the amniocentesis test. Imagine having to learn all of this while in the middle of the ocean after being suddenly told to ring your wife back home by your superior with a solemn looking expression.

Fortunately, Mikki's mum had flown up for the scan and Mikki wasn't alone for that time, and she stayed for the next two and a half weeks until I was able to finally fly home. Over the satellite phone on the ship, we decided to name him Rory, after Rory Williams from Doctor Who as we felt his characteristics matched perfectly with the personality we felt Rory had already developed. I flew home on the 6th November, and was able to spend a few days where I could feel Rory kick for the first time. We were told he would not survive until term, and if he did, he would live 2-3 days at best, as his conditions were incurable and inoperable. After all the medical advice and many second opinions, we made the heartbreaking decision to induce the pregnancy early. We were also told he wouldn't survive labour and birth, and he would be born still.

Come the 11th November, we made our journey to Blacktown Hospital to bring our lil guy into this world. After 12 hours of labour, he was born at 9:30pm on the dot. He proved everyone wrong and was born with a heartbeat, and for the most pure 22 minutes of my life, we were a family of three. Together. 

22 has become a very special number for us as Rory was born at 22 weeks, survived for 22 minutes, and was born on 11/11 (11+11=22). 11th Nov now has an extra special meaning for me, as it's not only Remembrance Day, but it's also my beautiful son's birthday. 

I've always had a beard, it's defined who I am. Not many people have seen me in my adult life without one. Mikki has only ever seen me clean shaven once before and that was for a Movember gag. So I made the decision to completely shave and start again, putting all my vulnerabilities out there for everyone to see with the hope that it starts a conversation that we have been longing to have for the last 7 months. 

I am a dad, and I grieve too.